What to Get a Friend Post-Abortion
So your friend is about to have an abortion. Of course you want to be there for her, but you don’t know how. Look, making this decision is never simple, and having to make it as a teenager is more than a little terrifying. But it shouldn’t have to be so scary. The worst part of all this isn’t the procedure itself (which by the way is completely safe as long as you have access to a good clinic). The worst part is how you’re treated afterwards.
Abortion is something that many women feel like they can’t talk about, even amongst themselves, which creates a false stigma. The more we hide something, the more confusing it becomes. But she shouldn’t have to feel ashamed, because she made the right choice for her situation. She is not ready to carry a pregnancy to term — and that’s OK.
She will need a ride, she will need a hug, and she will need you — not because the act itself is so terrible, but because sometimes the world can be.
Here are some things to lift her spirits, to help ease the cramps, and to put a smile on her face.
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1/9All I Wanna Do
Cozy up with your heating pad (there will be cramps) and download this heartwarming, hilarious and dangerously fun (albeit very white washed) 90s cult classic about the bad girls of Brixton Academy. Set in 1963 New England this movie gives you a peek into the tender world of an all female prep school.
They are not hollywood tropes or stereotypes, they are real girls, with real issues. Bulimia, harassment, bullying, sex — they tackle them all with grace, camaraderie, and a decent helping of sass.
You will laugh, you will cry, you will be proud to have been a teenage girl, and you will definitely walk away touting Odette Sinclaire’s signature catch phrase — “Up your ziggy, with wah wah brush.”
2/9High Waisted Period Panties by THINX
If you haven’t already heard about THINX undies then I am about to rock yo’ world.
These revolutionary panties allow you to free-bleed like our fore-mothers wished they could. Technically they are made for your period, but that’s no reason not to rock em for post-abortion woes, especially because there will be blood. Honestly, they are kind of perfect because you aren’t allowed to use a tampon for at least 7 days post-procedure anyways, and well — we all know pads can be the worst.
To answer the question I know you are gonna ask; no they don’t feel like diapers, and no it’s not like sitting in a pool of your own blood. They are just like regular undies, soft and dry — the only difference is that they can soak up two tampons worth of blood! If the future is female then welcome to it, because this is the future of menstruation. Buy them now, thank me later.
3/9Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur
This inspiring book of poetry tackles everything from heartache to shame, trauma to laughter, and all the myriad of other things that life will throw in your path too. It’s a staple on my coffee table and the first thing I think of when someone needs a pick-me-up.
It was Kaur’s brutal honesty about her own life that gave me the courage to come forward about my abortion. Her prose is as riveting as it is powerful. She reminds us of the importance of sisterhood, that speaking up is the only way to affect change, and that sharing your story isn’t as scary as you think.
It’s a short read that you won’t regret, and if you let it, it just might make you feel a little a little more empowered.
4/9Angry Uterus Heating Pad by Lady Bits Design
Remember that heating pad that I mentioned you’d need??? Well there is literally no cuter way to alleviate cramps than with this bad boy.
If you’ve gone the pill route, you can expect almost 3 solid days of pain. Likely worse than any period symptoms you’ve ever experienced. You’ll love it! It’s like 2 throbbing hot balls of lead are trying to escape your body, all while your stomach contracts over and over again. Huzzahhhhh! This angry uterus heating pad is the most apropos, because trust - without some direct heat, your lady bits will not be pleased.
Oh and she makes a mustached “MAN-struation” version for our trans-friends as well.
Courtesy of Planned Parenthood5/9Abortion Clinic Escort Sign-Up
Now that you know all the ways to get through this ordeal, why don’t you make it a little easier for the next girl and sign up to be an abortion clinic escort.
I won’t lie to you, it’s not an easy job, there is a training process, and very little thanks. But there is no better way to understand your own process than by helping someone else through it.
You’ll hear their stories, you’ll aid them through what can be a very difficult situation, and depending on where you live you may come face to face with some very aggressive anti-abortion advocates.
No matter what your friend is feeling, no matter what her reasons for abortion are, just know that the biggest help of all is your presence. You won’t regret being there for them, and I promise — one day this won’t seem like such a big deal, because you are both far more resilient than you know
6/9RBG Coloring Book by By She Knows
Not only is this one free (you can download and print all the pages straight from home) but it pays homage to the biggest champion for our rights, the one and only Notorious RBG, our second ever female Supreme Court Justice — Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
A woman born in 1933 who at the time was expected to do little more than gain her Mrs. degree. Luckily for us and our uteruses, that woman rose to the highest judicial court there is and has been fighting for your right to choose for the last 60 years.
So break out the colored pencils, hunker down with some history, and pay tribute to this badass. Plus, there is nothing more cathartic than a little coloring to make your best babe feel better.
- 8/9
Femme F*ck You Pin
Wear this aggro pin as a colorful armor, so that when some rude jerk asks if you regret your choice (as if that is somehow their business), you won’t need to say a word.
Snag this bb for your bed-ridden bestie and swoop one for yourself too, because the proceeds benefit Planned Parenthood, and they need all the support we can give em.
9/9Cis-ters Button
The world can be kind of a harsh place for girls and femme-identifying people, and the most important thing you’ve got is each other. Remember that no matter what society tells you, you’re not in competition — not for boys, not for jobs, not for anything.
So show the world that you are not backstabbing, burn-book making, bullies. You are kind, smart and strong, and you show up for your friends. Because, If you’re not looking out for each other, then who else will?
